Yep

The Charm of Adventure Revisited

When I started this blog, I named it after a partial quote from the novel Jane Eyre. The quote reads:

"It is a very strange sensation to inexperienced youth to feel itself quite alone in the world, cut adrift from every connection, uncertain whether the port to which it is bound can be reached, and prevented by many impediments from returning to that it has quitted. The charm of adventure sweetens that sensation..."

When I first read Jane Eyre a little over two years, I stopped at this exact moment, to underline the passage. I had just graduated from college. It was an illumination of the phase in my life I had entered. I was young, cut adrift, but with adventurous charms, my life would be sweetened and enriched.

I left out the end of the quote. The last line reads:

"...the glow of pride warms it; but then the throb of fear disturbs it; and fear with me became predominant when half an hour elapsed, and still I was alone.”

It truly is amazing how the last line of a quote can then prove its truth after years of reading the first.

The Front-lines

I work at a bank. This past week, I had to go to our Central Operations for a training. While I was there, I noticed that the "back room" workers kept referring to what I do as working in the front-lines. At the time, it made sense. I am literally placed at the front of the bank. My desk is in the front of the lobby. People usually stop and ask to speak to someone when, technically, I am no one's secretary.

However, the past couple of days. The phrase "the front-lines" has vividly cast a blinding light into my eyes. I am the disposable. I am the first victim. I am the defeated. Women in their fur muffs and chanelle perfume blast their barrels at my defenses. They cut me with side comments and sneers. At the same time, the faith of an entire institution rests on the hope that I will succeed at what I do. Guard what is beloved to its people. Money. At the same time, I am the hope. I am the help. I am the hero.

With that being said, fight on all you front-liners. Fight on.

New Year's Resolution

Okay Okay, so I am not the greatest blogger in the world. In fact, I may be one of the worst bloggers in the world. Nonetheless, I'm going to blog.

I am finding it hard to believe that it has been a year since I started this blog. It has been a year since I graduated from college. Let's take a look at what has happened this past year.

1) I moved back home to Colorado from Arkansas

2) I actually got a job (I feel with a little bit of luck)

3) I lost thirty pounds

4) I have kept the faith

Now, I have never been big on New Years Resolutions. Don't get me wrong. If they truly do work for some people, that is terrific. I guess I am just always looking to improve myself in some way, so I don't necessarily need to pick a specific day to do it.

But, I am now going to look into the future and make some plans for the coming year. I hope this next year includes:

1) Moving out of my parents house

2) Either moving to India, Arkansas, or Texas

3) Keep the weight off

4) Keep the faith.

We'll just have to see how that goes... :)

How to Achieve Greatness

Ever since I entered into the realm of higher education, I have been convinced that I am destined for greatness. That phrase is a little cliche to be sure, so let me explain what I mean. I want to mark a divet in the windshield of the world. I want what I took from school to influence at least one other human being before I die. Now that I am working in a field not even close to either of my degrees, I find myself wondering, "What's so great about this?" So, I pose this question, where do you find great opportunities within the ordinary grind of life?

I am not really sure what to do at this point. I wrote one column for my local newspaper, and I am trying to become more involved with work, but how do I find greatness while striving to remain content to stay where I am, in the moment, right now?

Drumroll Please...

After five months out of college and 3 months out of a job, I am no longer unemployed!

That's right. I am now an officially official employee at a very official job. Full-Time with loads of benefits. Wow, it seems like it has taken kind of a while to get to this place, but at the same time I do not even really know where this place is. I am extremely happy to have a job, but at the same time I am always looking forward. I want to plan, shocker, every detail of how things will work out for the next 6 months, year, 2 years. Do I stay at this location, do I try to transfer to a different town to kind of see what else is out there? Do I just stay long enough to raise some money for Grad or Law school? Ahh, but those questions will surely be answered with time.

For the time being, I will sit back, drink a sugar-free vanilla latte, and read some Steinbeck.

"... a great part of the world was abandoned to children, insane people, fools, and mystics, who were more interested in what is than in why it is. So many old and lovely things are stored in the world's attic, because we don't want them around us and we don't dare throw them out."

-John Steinbeck- The Winter of Our Discontent

Is it just me?

I am a planner by nature. I plan everything. I plan each hour of my day, each day of my week. The plans I have set up have been pretty successful thus far in my life.

Plan #1: Get into College.

Plan #2: Graduate From College

Now, those plans are obviously more of a big picture kind of thing. There have been more plans that I have set up that have sort of been lost somewhere in the void between my mind and reality.

Plan #3: Get a Job

Plan #4: Get married and start a family.

I am not saying that I want to rush into marriage or any relationship by any means. What I am saying is that these two plans are looking pretty hopeless at the moment. I am confident that I am being completely dramatic, and I am sure (well at least hopeful) that ten years from now I will look back on this time and realize that I was worried for nothing, that my life has turned out nothing like I had planned it to be but is still wonderful all the same.

At least, that's what I'm planning on anyways.

Thing to Do. Things to Learn.

I went to a concert last night. I met four new people through another friend. Although I was introduced to them properly, I continued my conversation with the people I already knew. Upon reflection of this particular behavior, I realized that I did not feel the need to invest in knowing these new people because I am about to leave this particular area of the United States.

I experienced a similar situation at the end of my last semester of college. I went to a group gathering by myself, but I did not have any issue sitting by myself. "Why does it matter if I introduce myself to anyone new here when I am about to leave?"

It hit me last night that I make friends and make an effort to meet new people for the wrong reasons. For me, making friends is a survival tactic. I enter a foreign environment, so I grasp and grip onto the people walking by because these people may be able to help me adjust, show me around town, give me social comfort.

This brings me to my new goal.

My goal for this year is to make an effort to learn one new thing from anyone and everyone that I encounter on a daily basis. Even if that one thing is what the grocery clerk thinks about how rainy the fall has been, I will have learned something new and taken the time to listen. You never know, I could find out something fascinating along the way.

Home Once Again...

So, basically I did not get the job I was hoping for in my last post. Actually, the same day I found out that I did not get that job, my boss from my job back home called to tell me that someone had just quit and asked if I would be willing to come help out for a while. The next day I also applied for Teach For America: a corps program that trains and places teachers into underfunded schools throughout the U.S. I will find out if I get that job at different points throughout March.

Back to where I am. I am back home once again, but now I have a job. I am not going to be here for too long. I think it will only be about 5 weeks total. The good news is that I am taking this sort of set back with a sip of sugar. I am referring to these weeks as my 5 weeks of cleansing. Here are the rules that I have set for myself:

• Nurture my skin and face
• Do not eat any junk food
• Do not spend any money unless absolutely necessary
• Only eat 2 Girl Scout Cookies after only one meal each day (thank you Kristin)
• Do weight training at least once a week
• Exercise 6 days a week
• Go to church every Sunday
• Love customers that I may not want to love
• Try to get along with my mom
• No make up allowed
• Get enough sleep (but not too much)

I am now on day 4, and so far so good. I have worked out every day this week, and have followed all the things on my list. I also have somewhat of a reward system. I make some amount of tips at my work, and I do not spend these until Friday. Friday I can pick one thing that I want to reward myself with. For instance, today I ate at Subway. Some other possible rewards I may choose in the future may be a latte or an itunes card.

Basically the point of this cleanse is to let all of my flaws, impurities, issues, and blemishes shine through, so I no longer cover them up, but rather try to work on improving and perfecting them. I am embracing these five weeks to not only improve my financial situation but also to improve myself (I'm sorry. That came out a little cheesier than I thought it would).

I am currently unemployed...

I am currently unemployed. Over the past couple of years or so, I have really tried to figure out that one special question that you are asked since you are a toddler: What do you want to be when you grow up? I have been leaning on the side of Law School, but after completing my undergraduate, I have completely decided that I at least need a small break from organized education. I have also thought about going abroad and teaching (particularly in India) English. You know how you hear people, speakers, come back from an exotic land telling you all about themselves working abroad somehow and how great it was. Turns out, getting to the "abroad" part of my plan is a lot harder than it sounds. At least for me.

This leads me to my current predicament. I am currently unemployed. I have been through weeks of job hunting and interviews. I am on week five, and I still have no job. Last week, I interviewed for a position with 46 other applicants! It was a group interview, and I am sitting there surrounded by the recently unemployed people of America's recession thinking, "How could I possibly be deserving of a job like this? These people have kids and families to support!" Yesterday, I had a final interview for a position that would be so great. It is right across the street from where I live, and could possibly help me save up to go "abroad" and teach.

For now, I wait.

As a College Grad...

As a College Grad, I am truly one of the most selfish people in the world. Think about it. Everything that I do in my life is for my own enjoyment or for the sole purpose of completing the goals that I wish to accomplish. I came back to Arkansas to live with my friends. I want a job that will lead me closer to a more professional career. I want a perfect boyfriend who can later become the perfect husband, who will by definition, fulfill all of my desires.

Within this whole experience, there is no thought as to what I could do or be for the sake of others. For instance, shouldn't my attitude resemble something more like... I want to move back to Arkansas because I want to be there for my friends. I want a job that is the most beneficial to society as a whole. I want a boyfriend so that I can work on becoming a better girlfriend and a better person for him.

Even here. Even looking at this last paragraph, it is still looking at what I want. I am at the point in my life where all of these decisions have to be made and it seems like choosing what is best for me is the right choice. But is it really? If we left these choices up to someone who knows us better, wouldn't our lives turn out to be unexpectedly exciting and possibly rewarding?

As a College Grad, I think about myself far too much...

My philosophy on love and marriage after college

I attended a small Christian liberal arts school where the phrase "ring by spring or your money back" is popularly used. Students and faculty also joke about women attending the school to earn their MRS degree. In fact, the number of couples that get engaged by the end of their college careers is astounding. I cannot remember returning from a single break where I did not hear of someone getting engaged. I am not saying that these relationships are not legitimate, and I am not saying that these relationships will not last in the long run. What I am saying is that these individuals may have different intentions to marry than they may think they have.

Ending my school career is the most unstable event I have ever experienced. I do not know what I am going to do next, and I do not have a boyfriend to share these experiences with. Which leads me to my point, couples who get married right out of college are able to hold on to one stable entity for their future lives. Although they may not know what they are going to do in the long run, they have someone to figure that out with, and no matter what happens, that person will consistently be present. So, my philosophy on marriage directly after college is that it is a stabilizing tactic. It is the one thing people can be sure about upon exiting the bubble and entering the real world.

That being said, I have a fear of entering a relationship at this point of my life. If I decide to date a guy within the next several months, that will become my excuse to live in a certain place, and to perform a specific job. It is almost as if I would be grasping for something certain, something stable. I do not think that those are the right reasons to love someone even if they would be a nice bonus. I want to find a guy after I have sort of established myself in a specific place or at least when I know what I am seeking.

Three Favorite Things About Christmas:

My three favorite things about Christmas are:

1) Peppermint flavored beverages.

There is just something so warming and good feeling about drinking hot cocoa and mochas mixed with some holiday goodness to help bring in the Christmas season. To walk in from the cold, snowy streets into a coffee shop or your own kitchen by the fire is by far one of the best Christmas things.

2) Seasonal Clothing.

Also sometimes considered ugly due to its many contests during the Christmas season. I love that reindeer, bells, Santa, holly, and wreaths can be worn in all shapes and sizes. When I was in high school, I loved it when my te

achers would wear th

e full get up: earings that jingled, turtle neck sweaters with holly on the collars, and well sweaters combining all holiday icons, which also tended to jingle.

3) "The Year Without a Santa Clause"

Christmas just would not be Christmas without this movie. It is a classic. Seriously, I sing the Heat Miser and Cold Miser songs year round, but at Christmas, my fiends and family give me fewer strange looks. If you have not seen this movie. Turn on ABC Fa

mily because they are sure to play it at least 200 more

times before

Ch

ristmas is over.

What I Have Come Home To

I live in a ski resort town. Actually, I live in the center of three major ski resort towns. One nice thing about this location is that it escalates in tourism around every break when I come home. This fact means that my work needs extra help around these times and greets me whole-heartedly back especially around the holiday season.

This holiday season was to be no different. I was going to come home, work full time, make giant tips to help me in my own Christmas shopping, and have enough money earned from this time to return to Arkansas to find another job without a lot of stress.

This holiday season was different. I work for a corporation, and our store's hours were cut drastically within the past couple of weeks. Meaning, I am currently unemployed. I will not have money to rely on when back in Arkansas, and no one here will hire me for the next two and a half weeks.

So, what I have come home to is unemployment; a needle prick of realities that I will probably have to deal with for several months to come.

I am not a blog person...but

I am not a blog person. I don't really follow blogs or really know a lot of people who do. I know that some people have themes like their "top five," or they start one when they are going on an around the world trip, so their friends and family can keep up. I am not even quite sure how a person begins to follow a blog of a person that they have never met. But...

I am a college graduate as of approximately two days ago. I feel like up until this point in my life, my life was going to lead me into this perfect place where I knew what I was going to do and who I would be doing it with. I at least thought that my double major, and decent grades would put me into a position of some sort of security. But...

I have no idea what I am doing. I am 21 years old, and I am looking at my life, and I am just absolutely clueless. That is why I have started this blog. I am pretty certain that almost every college graduate that does not enter any sort of higher education or teaching position after graduation is completely unsure of what lies ahead to sound a bit cliche. I want to write about what I am doing, and how I am finding my future. I want people to be able to read this and feel better about the giant void that awaits them the second they move that tassle to the other side.

If anything, even if nobody reads this blog, I will have recorded some of the most important years of my life: the charming adventures.